well...

Here I am again...got cheated on. Yep. By the douche who apparently "wanted to have kids and get married". Ugh. I swear I was this close to swearing off relationships for a while. But he doesn't matter anymore. Now I have someone who *fingers crossed* won't cheat on me. I've wanted to get with him for sooo fucking long and now I finally am with him!!! haha but we haven't talked since we started dating since we're on Winter Break...my friends say that he's a bad boyfriend, but they don't and won't know "bad boyfriends" until they cheated on. That fact remains to be seen.

My friend's birthday party the other night was totally insane!!! I had a ton of fun, and so everyone else. :) There was so grinding going on it was unreal. Too many details to say here, but let's just end with the fact that the night with a grinding train and toasts to my friend. :)

Well, I'm out for now. See ya :)

Celtic Thunder Concert Pictures

Random Thought in photography....

Reflection is like something in a mirror right? Well not according to my photography teacher. I took perfectly fine pictures, but that stupid bitch said that "They don't count as reflection and so they're still missing." Well fuck that. Those were perfectly fine pictures, but now i haveta go retake them. Ugh. This teacher really pisses me off. SHe's the reason why i go home pissed almost everyday because she doesnt think im doing good enough. Well her and my douche of a science teacher. I dont really care what she thinks about my photography skills, i know im decent at it, but all i really wanna do is pass this fucking class, which really shouldnt be that hard. But it is, because she has such fucking high standards. Bleh.

Powwow Story

We reached the Denver Coliseum a little before 9 in the morning, about an hour before the doors actually opened. As a result of being so early, we got a really good place in line. It was especially important to get close to the front of the line because the employees checked the bags brought in, except when you tell them you're a dancer, which we were. I wasn't as excited as I normally am for the Denver March Powwow. The reason: a guy. I know, a stupid reason not to be excited, but he treated me like shit. He basically told me that he didn't care if I lived or died last May. I was really into him, but that really killed my feelings for him. I saw him at a powwow in January, and I got so pissed I had to go outside to cool down, literally and figuratively. And I know he recognized me in January, because as soon he caught sight of me, he went outside. Well, at least I made an impact on him. Anyway, it was freezing out and snowing, so the "nice" Coliseum people decided to let us in early. My money is on that the powwow committee made them let us in. So we get inside and rush to get our seats (we sit in the same place every year) and get all three rows of 8 seats each saved for our family.

We all get our regalias on and start looking for our feathers, my sisters' fans, our moccasins, and our hair ties. We looked everywhere, but as it turns out, we forgot the box with all of that at home in the rush to get down here! Luckily, our grandpa picked up my oldest sister Jazmin and took her home to get it. Good thing it snowed, or we wouldn't have been ready in time for Grand Entry. So all we (Mom, Jordan, and I) get to do is sit there and wait. Mom had French-braided my hair before we left the house, so she set on working on braiding Jordan's hair.

Once Jazmin got back, we finished getting ready. We were ready by at least 10:20, if not a little earlier. Not having anything to do, I just kind of gazed around the arena looking at everyone else getting ready. Jordan got my attention by saying, "Hey Dakota, isn't that Terri over there?" I looked towards the area she was pointing, and sure enough, it was! She's my best powwow buddy. I walked over there and we hugged and caught up a little bit, but guess who decides to show up just then. "Isn't that Orion over there?" Terri asked as she looked behind me. It was. I got so pissed I started shaking and had to walk away. "I-uh-I gotta go…see ya at Grand Entry. I'll text you when I go down." It was all I could do to not go down to where he was sitting and sock him right in the face for being such a douche.

I sat there and listened to Lawrence's corny jokes until he made the last call for dancers to go to Grand Entry. I texted Terri, grabbed my shawl, and headed downstairs. It wasn't that crowded, which was nice for a change. Terri found me and we stood there talking until Orion decides to waltz in with his sister. On a side note, his sister is really pretty. I pretend to not see him until Jordan comes and says, "Koda, Orion is looking at you." Terri nodded in agreement. Ugh, that's just great. I look over at him and not to my surprise; he is staring at us (me, Terri, Jordan, and Terri's sister Dakota). I rolled my eyes at him and he looked away, which made me smile. I turned back to talk to my fellow dancers but when I turn back to see if he's looking again, he's not there. "Good riddance," I mumbled under my breath.

A few seconds later, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I expected to see no one; I thought it was just Terri playing a trick on me. But guess who I find instead. Yep, there's Orion, standing right there. I took a couple of shocked steps backward, luckily not running into anyone. I quickly composed myself into the hard-ass I wanted him to see me as. "Do I know you?" I asked him, as if I had no idea who he was. He replied with a nod. "Oh that's right; you're the guy who doesn't care about other human beings." "Look, can we talk?" he asked. I thought about it for a second. "Let's take this somewhere else, ok?" I headed back to where some of the vendors were. "Make it quick." I told him as I crossed my arms. "I will." He said as he uncrossed my arms. I kind of liked the fact that he would make such an effort.

Before I could protest to him touching me, he kissed me. Despite my surface feelings towards him, I kissed him back. It wasn't long before he had me pushed against a wall and we were having a full-blown make out session. I heard people giggling as they saw us, but neither of us minded too much. What felt like much too soon, I gently pushed him away. "We need to go back or we'll miss Grand Entry." I told him. "But we can NOT tell anyone about what just happened. As far as anyone knows, all we did was talk. Ok?" I told him. He smiled and nodded. "But as soon as we're excused for the afternoon, meet me back down here. Oh wait, change first." I kissed him and walked away. I stopped short to compose myself, but then started to head back to my friends.

"Well that was a long talk…They're already calling teen boys!" Terri told me. "Yeah that's why I stopped and told him we needed to come back." Terri eyed me suspiciously, but turned her attention back to the dancers. "TEEN BOYS GRASS. TEEN BOYS GRASS." The arena director called out. That's Orion's category, so I looked up. There were a lot of cute guys, but I didn't really notice any of them because Orion saw me and gave me a slight smile. I returned it and he went out into the arena. "What was that all about missy?" Jordan asked me. "None of your business. We just have an understanding for right now." I replied. By then, it was mine and Terri's category: Teen Girls Fancy Shawl. So we got out to arena and it's already gross and hot just from all the adults. I spotted Orion a little ahead of us on the other side.

By the time the Tiny Tots finished getting into the arena, it felt like hours we had spent going around that arena. We had a clear view of Orion, and of course he had a clear view of us. Every time we caught him looking at us, we started giggling, purely because it happened EVERY TIME we looked at him. So finally all the introductions were done and the eagle staff was gone, so dancers cleared the arena except for all fancy dancers. It used to be just the guy fancy dancers, but this they let ALL the fancy dancers do the exhibition, which was tiring but cool.

After the exhibition was over and I got up to our seats and chugged a whole bottle of water, it was time for the competitions. I always stay until we're excused, which is after the Tiny Tots, Juniors, and Teens contests are over. It always takes until supper break, but I didn't mind because that's when I was supposed to meet Orion. I changed into my regular clothes as fast as I could and brought my regalia back. I told my mom that I was going to walk around for a bit. I actually did walk around for a bit, but then I nervously made my way downstairs. As I got to the frybread stand (which was close to where we were supposed to be meeting) I looked around. I was looking for that ridiculously big jacket he wore and the hat he always wears. I headed back to where the vendors are to feign looking around while actually looking for Orion. I saw him before he saw me and I nearly had a heart attack. "Ok get yourself together Dakota. He's just a guy. Guys don't matter unless you actually like them…but I think I like him so he matters…oh God…" I muttered to myself. I think some people heard me as they walked by me because I got some weird looks from them.

I gathered all my courage and started to make my way over to him. But to my surprise, he had started walking towards me. I didn't think he saw me at first but I guess he did. When we reached each other, we pretended to keep looking at the beaded stuff the vendor had, but I slowly eased my hand into his. He acted like he didn't notice, but I knew he did by the way he kept squeezing my hand. I started to walk away, so I gently tugged on his hand and he followed. "I couldn't stop looking at you all day…" he confessed. I simply flashed a smile that could've had many meanings to him in return. "I noticed. So did Terri." I laughed. He laughed too, and I just about melted into his arms. "Are you ok?" I gulped. "Wow…yeah I'm totally fine." I reassured him with a smile.

We decided that we didn't care who saw us together, so we went back upstairs, still holding hands. At one point we came to a spot where there weren't any vendors, so we chilled there. He put his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. "Ya know, this feels right…err…natural." I told him. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He was gazing down at me, and in his eyes I saw…a lot of things. Love. Happiness. Contentment. And even the slightest hint of worry. I sat up a little bit and kissed him. I could tell he held back at first, probably because he was worried he might come off as too eager. But slowly, I could feel him relax and get more into it. I leaned back a bit because I had felt my phone vibrate. I took it out of my pocket and looked at my missed alerts. MISSED ALERTS: 14 NEW TEXTS. I thought I was dead when I saw that they were mostly from Terri. "hey where are you" "you wanna hang out" "chica where are you???" "Shit, shit, shit, shit!!!!" I said panicking. "What's wrong?" "Terri's looking for me… I hate to do this, but I've gotta go. Meet downstairs before Grand Entry tonight?" "Yeah sure. See ya in a bit!" We parted with one last kiss.

I ran all the way back to my seats. "Mom, is Terri still looking for me?" "Yeah, she's been over here a couple times. I think she's sitting back down." "K, well I'm gonna go over there. I'll be back in a few to get my regalia." "All right." I speed-walked over to where she was sitting, and much to my relief, she was there. "Terri I'm so sorry I didn't reply to your texts. I didn't feel my phone go off." I told her. "It's totally fine. Where have you been though? I've been looking everywhere for you!" "I've just been wandering around." I answered. Damn, I can't believe I just lied to my powwow buddy. "Really? Cuz I think I saw you and ORION sucking face." She said, kind of disgustedly. I felt my heart skip a few beats, my stomach drop, and then my heart started pounding. I played it cool though. "Hmm…that's weird…but why would I wanna make out with him? I mean, the guy's a total douche lord! You must've mistaken someone for me." She pondered this for a couple seconds. "Yeah that's true…it was just a passing glance, and I didn't get a good look at her face…" she trailed off. I let out an inner sigh of relief, thankful she had actually believed me. "Well, I've gotta head back and change into my regalia, so I'll see you down there!" I hugged her. Once my back was to her, I almost started crying with relief. This time, I let out an actual sigh because I had pulled it off.

After I had changed back in my regalia, I told my family I was going to head down early.  I got down there, but I couldn't see him anywhere. I thought I had finally seen him, so I went over to see if it was him. Turns out, it was him. But he was kissing someone, and that someone wasn't me. It was some short little blonde girl. "Oh hell no." I muttered under my breath. I marched right over to him and cleared my throat. He was startled, and when he turned around and saw it was me, he looked like he had seen a ghost. "YOU TWO TIMING BASTARD!" I yelled. I shot the bimbo the most hateful look I could muster, and then slapped Orion across the face. "I remember why I hate you now." I gave one last death glare, and then I flipped my braids as dramatically as I could, and stormed off. If you had seen me, I'm positive you would've seen steam coming out of my ears.  I turned around to look at the cheaters, and he was just standing there with his hand where my hand had connected with his face. She looked terrified that I might come back and eat them both alive. I locked eyes with him, but I didn't soften my glance at all. In fact, I think I might've put even more hate into that look. I was so pissed, it's totally possible. I would've turned around right then if Terri hadn't come over and led me away from them.

"So he IS the reason you were MIA during Supper Break!" she yelled. At that point, I felt so defeated, I couldn't even deny it. All my anger was gone; it was replaced with…nothing. All I could do nod. "At least you know for sure now that all he wants is to get laid," she said as she hugged me. I laughed, knowing it was 100 percent true. "I can't believe I fell for him AGAIN. I must've been high like all day…" I said laughingly. "I'm not gonna lie, I seriously thought you had lost your mind." "I was on a powwow high. I can't be held responsible for my actions." We both laughed that time. I'm glad Terri managed to calm me down and help me laugh at this whole ridiculous situation. I didn't feel completely better, but it was a start. Until he started to walk over to us. "Let me take care of this," Terri told me as she headed over to meet him.

I saw a lot of hand gestures on her part, and I could make out a little bit of yelling. He just stood there taking it all in, but he kept looking at me. I looked away from him as much as I could, but I kept locking eyes with him.

ill keep posting updates when i can! :)